Guy in my class: Sir, what if we had a gay P.E. teacher? That'd be bad because he'd be looking at all the guys in shorts.
Teacher: You're assuming that all gay teachers are pedophiles.
Guy: Well...yeah.
Teacher: Carl I absolutely promise you that NO ONE in this school wants to have sex with you

peperomint:

me: *eating microwaved ramen noodles and watching kitchen nightmares* cannot believe this asshole didnt use fresh chicken in his paella, unbelievable

(via whypants)

drawing-bored:

in their defense, nobody at fox news can count higher than 100.

drawing-bored:

in their defense, nobody at fox news can count higher than 100.

(Source: robertcmmacgregor, via darwinsminion)

kxsxy:

Pros of wearing all black: looks so badass

Cons: everyone knows I had powdered donuts

(via dontker)

garbagebagvevo:

When you’re sightreading a piece and suddenly it gets 10x harder

image

(via darwinsminion)

validx2:

rellemonroe:

buttcheekdemonkang:

Full body condom: When you wanna get nasty but you don’t know where they’ve been.

I… Um… OK…

Gotta stay strapped at all times

validx2:

rellemonroe:

buttcheekdemonkang:

Full body condom: When you wanna get nasty but you don’t know where they’ve been.

I… Um… OK…

Gotta stay strapped at all times

(Source: bodrios, via ben-is-so-jamin)

worldfam0us:

Suck my dick, see if i care.

(Source: worldfam0us, via zackisontumblr)

NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY